18

So, it’s finally happened, 18 years old, it’s weird, I never expected I to happen so soon.

I remember my first day of high school, I was 14 and was anxious, scared, and didn’t know what to expect and full of anticipation for what to come.

Well for now I don’t feel 18, and I’m okay with it because it hasn’t dawned on me yet. So I kid myself saying that I’m a 17 year old who can buy all the cigarettes, porn, lotto tickets, and more all I want with a little more responsibilities.

I just wish it either didn’t happen so soon or would have happened sooner, but now I guess I can settle, or well I have to with no choice in the matter.

Now that I’m a so called 18 year old, and legal, I accept all the responsibilities its come with.

But for now, I’l just pretend it never happened, or well pass it by like nothing important, because life goes on.

About Me [at.the.time]

It turns to be, there’s more to me than what your eyes perceive. I’m the kid that doesn’t stand out, nor will ever choose to, regardless of my outward appearance and shy complexity. I purposely blurt out vowels, incomprehensible imagination and obscenities. I can relate, yet I’m the one who will never spill their guts, because it’s not about me, it’s all about you.
I am the immature kid, who can’t keep it to himself. I scream to myself, and save any warning I give to chase you away. I could care so little if anyone would even listen.
Due to my precognitive parietal lobe my well thought out letters turn into words that combine into thoughts, that when spoken the rhythmic flow of the melodic sentences verbally penetrate the brain with a cerebral orgasm striking you with a pain of pleasure. You want to hear me talk but the sound of my voice you rather live without.
And yet it still hate the accomplished feeling.

sprouting from my wing blades

To reach distant places, you have to take the first step.

It’s totally true, but I mean, who likes to take the first step, or the first of anything. When taking any step there’s always a risk, and I don’t want to take the chance and risk anything in my case.

“they’re laughing at you, at me.
“
“is this far from real, let me in your arms and feel… the beating of your heart baby…”

I want to feel realization, and everything that comes with it.

So, I have come to accept my grades this semester, I feel shame for what I got, disappointed,  totally could have been better.
[shame shame] :/

I’m a new, I have now started over, pushed the reset button.
I am a cleaned up black board, with the stain of white from the past that will never wash away.

3, 4, maybe 5

So apparently
I look like the old me, but I’m sure to tell you, he is definitely gone. The memories  embedded within him and are gone, but are faintly scarred on me.

“Dear God, I hope you got the letter I wrote, I’m not sure if I can believe in you.
“

I have replaced myself with a new wick and wax burning steadily sure to pace myself.

The frequent spasm and twitch, convulse to a beat of a stampede quickly coming and going, in constant periodic intervals of 3, 4, maybe 5.

don’t, don’t you want me.

Ugh. so I’m fucked.  It’s bull.
Well i guess I’m looking towards friday? or was it saturday?
fuck, i have no idea.
but those damn fuckers ditched me today. no warning. just gone.
like if they never existed, or just a figment in my mind.
>=|
and just because it was destiny’s birthday… grrr… *angry!
pure sadness :[
: )

well I think its time that I confess... <<< pshhh about what?
ha.
^^

well i think i need some talking to.
<<< [serious face]
haha…

fuckkk…

98765432[101]23456789

ISFP – The Artists

The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of.

They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.

So I herd about www.typealzer.com, and I tired it out, more or less accurate it analyzing the “subject.” In my opinion I think the writing style on the blog has nothing to do with the precieved personality, at all, but it s just something fun to do, to see what it says, to pass the time.

well anyways… today I found out that [rawr] means “I love you” in dinosaur…
I’m like wtf!?
I knew it meant something, but I had no idea it would have meant that…
oh well, it’s not ‘ike that’s its only meaning, maybe just an interpretation, one of many, of the word, but seems more likely that is what it means… ha

the people i was using it on, can take it how ever they want, i want them to think…

“what is love anyway,
does anybody love anybody anyway”

the rules for taking [(@-t)]cid

The Rules for taking acid.

First rule of tripping: don’t be with people you don’t trust

Second rule of LSD: a roof top is not a place to be

Third rule is: to be prepared

Fourth is: to not get scared

Fifth rule is: to stay serene, turn off your mind and float down stream

Sixth rule: have a good a friend at hand

Seventh rule I hope you understand: is to not to look to deep into your soul, where you might find a hideous, hopeless, pool of hatred, hunger, idiot, infinite, mindless, nothingness, nothingness, nothingness, nothingness, nothingness, nothingness, nothingness, nothingness, nothingness, nothingness, nothingness, nothingness.

You know… // After this…

[You know...] I’ve always waned a dog, but my mother told me they carry disease, then she’d cut off all my hair and glue my head to the ground…
PEPPERMINT TIME!!!

My goodness what a bumpy road, list to all that racket; maybe something is trying to force its way into out world. Well to be honest I haven’t taken my medication, I’m having difficulty seeing right now, I’m not supposed to be driving, I’ve never had a license.

——–

How did we end up at the Childeren’s Hospital? Oh dear, little wheel chairs flying through the air, crippled children exploding on impact… why! WHY!

Look at the dead bodies floating on waves of blood and gore… the carnage…

Oh no! Don’t do that! The other orphans are feasting on the dead bodes on the middle of the road… what’s wrong with you… you, you animals!!!
You all deserve to die!!!!!!

========

[After this...] I need to run a couple of errands…

Oh you know here and there, out and around, round and about, hither and thither, to and fro, back and forth, up and down, in and out, over and under, hippity hoppity, around the corner, over the river and through the woods, lickity split, clocking the jizz, grinding the axe, up to no good, nip the bun, good and plenty, lolly gagging around, making the rounds, painting the town red, packing a load, hugging a tree, skinning the dog, skip to my lou, sowing my oats, passing a stone, shooting the breeze, jumping the fence, humping the horse, dancing a jig, spinning the yarn, sipping the cider, flexing the pecks, brobing my do, packing the pete, licking the chicken, pinching the pennies, doe see doe———–

Hi. What’s [high]?

as the smoke haled though the lungs enter the blood stream though a network of capillaries, blood quickly enters the brain where THC binds to receptors, first hints of intoxication can be felt with in 10 seconds, but no one will experience the same. most commonly times slows to the user, space appears vast, sexuality, spirituality, and the senses appear enhanced, euphoria increases, but use can also lead to anxiousness, paranoia, abnormal heart rhythms and the general sense of uneasiness, long term use has been linked to memory loss, respiratory problems, depression and adverse impacts on school and work performance… :]]

“but the best part, is yet to come”
DDDDDDDD

Coincidental

…when i was a little kid, i used to put my face up to the comics in the Sunday paper, and I was amazed because it was just this massive amount of dots.

I think life is like that sometimes, but I like to think from Gods perspective, life, everything, even this… makes sense, were not just dots instead, we all connected and its beautiful, and its funny, and its good, but from this close we can’t expect it to make sense right now.

I can’t help but think this, there’s more that this, but I still can’t see the big picture.

There is nothing that I believe in without a shadow of a doubt. I’m nothing but fluff inside, a marshmallow, a peep, and I’m deep as skin.

Well later I hope I can compensate, for everything.

“It tastes like celery, but better…”

[bell peppers are funny]
^^

well fuck the SAT’s, i really don’t want to go tomorrow…
i totally forgot about making an appointment to see the reedley counselor…
i’m stupid and did half of my french project for nothing… >=[
fuckkk… i’m a loser.

preparing for the next 3 days of !*%^*#..

im tired.

^^

there is a lack of social interaction…
i think i need more of it, what i have isn’t enough…