Agh. So, I am now realizing that when I go home, and see all my friends again, there is going to be a definite change. I’m not sure why. Maybe the fact that I’ve been gone for 3 months so much has changed, but it won’t be the fact that I was gone that is going to change anything. Me and my habit have almost been forgotten. A new me is going back. I can’t wait for the return but I wonder am I going to be treated the same? Different, how? Or even worse am I going to be treated as a stranger. Regardless of what is going to happen, I know I’m missed.
Oh what a world, I’m getting to go home. XD When I get there I know something is going to happen. Overwhelming of sort of emotion is going to get the best of me. Really though, I don’t give a fuck at the moment. I need to let these thing out, I’m starting to, but not even slightly, and I’m progressing.
Well enough of that. I think I’m going to stop for now. I’ll do a new update//rant//info next time, even though it will be up in the next few days.
Idk. Things aren’t good right now.
Kinda feel like the bad part of senoir year all over again. :/
and its horrible. I hate it and i don’t have my friends to rely on, to be there for me to vent, but vent carefully to not even tell them the specifics but what is going on, such as in hypothetical situations.
Ugh. Only if I was able to express myself like a normal person could.
I could say that I’m bleeding on the inside, and I’d assume that you know what I mean.
If anything you know that I’m not doing good.
It’s bad, bad, bad.
FUCKKKKK! <<< like the movie Donnie Darko and Drew Barrymore’s character got fired and walked out the office out of the building screaming our her anger infront of Charita that chinese girl. ha
I kinda feel like that, but a combination of anger and on the verge of depression.
ugh. fuck this shit. :/
I need to leave or something.
So apparently my English Prof. really liked my metaphor of the type of writer I am, my description is a true story though. . Ha! I think she expects a bit from me, oh will she will really find out what kind of writer I amwithin two day, first English rough draft paper is due. My sickly paper isn’t even a full page yet, and a minimum of 3 is needed, well I still have about 4 more paragraphs to do. Hmmm… well I’ll see how it going later today and tomorrow. Oh. here’s my metaphor, plus i wanted to post a picture of a hamster anyways. D
Like a hamster in a cage full of toys, I’m easily distracted. never at one point do I stay concentrated on one thing, moving from point a to b to c, constantly changing. Occasionally I might come back to previous topics only to once again drift off topic without notice, being all over the place. When finished everything I have done makes no sense at all, confounded by my own ideas having to throw away the unnecessary things. The next day I start all over collecting the many ideas, with the various activities occupying my time.
So, I’ve been at college for a couple of days now. =] Finally met all of my roommates, we have become this little family the second day, even though I was the “shy guy” for the first 3, but I am good now, I’m all comfortable. AND, I love it!!!! I do miss home, my mom, sister and the baby, including my cat, which I didn’t get to see before I left =[ , bunny, and dog.
Today was the last day of orientation even, and we registered for classes, even though at midnight i found out that we could already add classes. DDD I the classes I need except my english class, which is mandatory that I take it this semester, or my position as a student will be withdrawn aggh... so for now I'm me and my other two roomates who went to the same peer group are waiting... and we dont' find out until classes start on Monday and thats when classes start I'm hoping that it works with my schedule or I will have to work around it. :/
Well, I thought I just update and all since I'm here, but I think Ill be doing vlogs since I ordered a web cam... so, we'll find out soon. But for sure I will still be doing vlogs.
I found this on my door as a welcoming gift, thanks Ravin. =] and most of us who have been here the whole time. Love you guys.<<< yes already, I feel like I’m at home
Oh I know I look awkward in the picture, I was still shy guy…
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Send me mail niggs, even if you don’t know me… I love getting mail so don’t hesitate, and if you do know me… I EXPECT mail from you…
I thought I’d be due for another blog…
I’ve been kinda busy will school and all… *scoffs
haha yea riiigggghhhttt… nah I have been.
or no, not really, just hanging out… not really wanting to do anything…
Whatever though it’s cool and all. Lots and lots of shit has happened, but those are just little most unimportant details, that’s all I can say for that. And in that I indeed need a hat, I have to many beanies… some sun-glasses too… and a new pair of glasses… I’m getting new ones in the beginning of next month… yay!. haha. If you’d seen what’s left of the pair i have now…. oh gwad… you would understand… ha.
well I think I need to stop rambling on… but that’s whats going on in my life right now…
I think I’m just going to start posting videos instead… it seems kinda easier… idk… but I will find out… I just don’t know when.
Oh oh oh! and its hott… I HATE IT!!!!!!!….
Winter come back already… you know your my only lover DD haha.
No, for reals though.
I was thinking I also use this as a record keeper. Which it plainly is <<< yea. I’m kinda dumb, I know. ;D
To get it out and the opened, and over with, yes today officially June 25 2009 at 13:30, King of Pop, Michael Jackson died as did Farrah Fawcet. <<< some crazy shit went down today O_o
Well, idk, I really have nothing to report, except that I start school on monday, whoooo, I’m bored of being home and getting high all the time. I’m kinda excited to go, I’m anticipating the moment… or well not as much as me leaving to Humboldt State, which I am ecstatic about =DDD
All i know right now though, is that I’m damn waiting for my Return to the Labyrinth books 1 & 2 and reading those before even getting the 3rd, it doesn’t seem as interesting though. None the less I will be watching The Labyrinth before reading the books, not only to re freshen my mind when starting to read the book, but also for nostalgic purposes…
Oh and I’m still waiting for the public library to get Alice in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass, which has been over a week, and I’m kinda mad they didn’t even have it in the first place, but whatever. Kinda looking forward to the movie though, hoping it doesn’t kill the book, but Tim Burton is directing it, so it should be good.
Oh!Oh!Oh!Oh!Oh! Oh! Oh!
Since I’ve been ranting on about books. You HAVE to read [The Raw Shark Texts] it’s one crazy ass mother effing book… I love it. It will trip you out, leaving you wanting more, and a completely fucked up ending… haha
Good Book, Good Book. =D
So, I don’t really know what else to say, don’t worry if anything next time will be the better.
so yea… umm you can tell how i am at the moment… =D
like can someone actually fart out a deep fried twinkie??
yea yea. my friend ruben said that he’d seen it in a movie or something…
so.. i wish i would have some actual social interaction even if it’s indirect
on this blog i mean
cause i enjoy conversations with strangers
i think it’s kinda cool
oh and i have this friend i kinda like’m but i don’t feel like im up to the challenge at after efects of the situation.
well well well
oh yea and i read this book. [the raw shark texts] doooopppeeeee ass mother fucking book.
its crazy and the whole idea of a conceptual sharks and the many others of kind fish…
i really want to read the negative or un-chapters of the book, but somewhere out in the world they are…
separated and completely separate of the book
idk whole book itself can not even be described.
you just have to read it…
hmm going along with books.
i am yet to read through the looking glass im hoping that it gets here soon… =DDD
i read Life of Pi, omg i love the book kinda like the raw shark texts in a way, in that which any of the stories could be true…. so its all kinda up to the reader and implemented interpretations
hm hm hm…
well yea…
i think im done.
haha… my eyes are getting dry… i think my contacts might fall out…
and its happened before… its soo embarrassing… well yea im done now.
I graduated from high school! Woot woot!
So school’s over, for now I guess. So, Final grades for this semester:
High School (Senior Year):
Art 1: A
ITNetworking 1/2 : B/C
English 12P: B
Avid Tutoring/Senior off: - GPA : 3.00
College:
Public Speaking : A
Amer. Gov.: A
Sociology: C
So I think I did good. I managed to take on 3 high school classes, tutor 7th & 8th graders, and take 3 college courses and still satisfy qualifications.
I was really hoping to get a B in sociology, so i could start of better than i did in high school… So far, I’m doing wayyyy better… better than 1.7 GPA my freshman year in high school, but still.
Well, I just know I need to do better, I got four more years left…
Kraken’s are pretty cool. I wish I had one, so when I become pirate no one will dare cross me knowing that I’ll get my Kraken on them. Hmm boy or girl, I think a girl would have a better effect.
So… life’s ok I guess. I wish I talked to certain people a little more, but I doubt it’s going to happen. :/
And all the people that were on my list, of interest are gone, but that one person’s that was is almost getting onto it. Schools almost over, kinda glad.
Oh and this morning I woke up with misquito bite, and it’s only getting bigger. Like seriously? WTF? Whatever
And for reals this time, I now realize the little friends I have; which is kinda okay, I’ll have less to leave behind when I’m gone; but never the less, I’m leaving them behind.
I feel like I’m in a blogging mood. I don’t know why, maybe it’s gonna be a good day.
Hmm. So yesterday, for sure, I realized that I am, in fact, indeed, crazy, or well that I think wayyy too much. Conversation included a multitude of past theories of time, space, alternate dimensions, and parallel universes, all just about when, I should be logging into Myspace. If only I had ones of black holes and worm holes, I would praise the fact that I was.
It was kinda funny, I felt like I somehow was having a break through, truly seeing, and possibly concluding that I am crazy. I had combined my theories of how when we sleep we dream, and when we dream we see and are living life in either an alternate dimension or parallel universe and vice verse, and that in each one we are living life that sprouted from one line, into a tree of a tremendous size, breaking off, and sprouting a new. That was only one of the many I had yesterday, It was kinda weird, but all cool and the same time.
Oh and the other day, I kinda told a friend that I liked them, I’m not sure, but I think it’s coming back again :/ . We’ll I think I’ll just add them to the list, I hope 3 is more than enough, I need to stop, I have a problem. >_<
&&&&& so I just woke up like 20 minutes ago. and like in my dream the only think i remember is that i had a this really long green lighter and then when I needed a flash drive, it turned into a 10 gig flash drive, and I used it without questioning it of ever being a lighter… ha.
For my final paper, I was to do a Sociological Critique on something a sociologist might study, so I choose subdermal implants, got a 17/20, good for doing it within 2 days right? hmm whatever
In March of 2006 Quinn Norton, an author from Wired magazine, reports a growing interest in body modification, in the area of subdermal implants, where a three dimensional object of the wearer’s choosing, is inserted under the skin. Norton goes around interviewing several people, Shannon Larratt, and early adopter of subdermal implants; David Virda, founder of Health Educators, a ten year-old company; international body artist Emilio Gonzalez; and Dr. Phil Haeck; a plastic surgeon of Seattle, Washington, for their beliefs, ideals, and comments on the growing interest among the communities of extreme body modification.
From one point of view, when Norton interviewed Shannon, he gets that it was a dream starting off from a child, watching Star Trek, swaying him to become part of the population. It influenced him based on the diversity of the people from other worlds, but what intrigued him the most were the rigid foreheads. Shannon claims that his ideal world would be “Everyone looks interesting, everyone looks different.” When Steve Haworth, a pioneer at the time, invented a way to implant jewelry into the skin, Shannon became the first of many to receive and start off the new style and trend of body modification, subdermal implants.
Alone the idea of inserting contents of silicone under the skin, itself becomes an extreme, causing an interest for those who choose to practice skin alternation. These implants create a raised effect like any other would, but though in any shape or form creating a striking 3-D effect, such as a star, circle, heart, or even horns protruding from the skin. Those with any body modification, have incorporated them with their piercing or tattoos, often either creating an achieved stunning look, or a botched operation.
Both pioneers at the time, a woman from New Zealand, and an artist, Steve Haworth, from Phoenix, AZ, commence the body art of subdermal implants. The woman from New Zealand, comes in for a tattoo of a bracelet, with an idea, Haworth instead offers her a placing of beads around, under her wrists, becoming the first person and woman with this kind of surgical operation. Having become so popular, over 50,000 people world wide have had this kind of implant, according to Larratt, who runs BMEZine, an online community of the body modification world. As an early adopter, it comes with a price, medical-grade stainless steel were once installed, and now most commonly used is silicone, but a few with Teflon.
Subdermal implants, it is only the beginning. The rise if this popular trend will only grow larger, into a practice amongst all people. Just as society takes time to adapt, only prove that the norms that follow are not ready to accept it yet. It is an on going trend with a multitude of modifications and combination of them to come.
Presented are the effects of trying to be different, outside the norms of society to claim somewhat of an identity outside of the clones they see, soon becoming a hobby amongst them. Two of the three sociological theories take place; both symbolic interaction and functionalism are the major roles. As for symbolic interaction, they are needed, somewhat as the outcasts that any community needs, as to look down upon teaching those, what is and is not acceptable. Playing more than one role, functionalism is the larger influence, of the two, deeming the modifiers unworthy to be part of society, which only shows how the larger of society can, and will adapt to this imminent change, as if it was any other typical alteration. It is only typical of us to do so; we see anything new as a deformity or appalling, only to become accepted with time until something new has directed attention towards something unpleasant to look upon.
A quick overview of what common, normal everyday people had to say could have had a better impression of what the people might think, seeming less extreme, then only answers from doctors and health advisors who discourage and look negatively at from, not only of the causes and effects that could happen, but though the lacking of higher education these extreme body artists have, despite the training and the study in the medical field they have gone through.
You have done a good job summarizing your chosen article and then injecting some of the sociological concepts we have covered during the semester.You should have included a complete citation to the source of your article at the end of your paper.Also, your grammar and sentence structure could have been better!
Your presentation was good and I appreciate that you had handouts for the class to review.I am not sure why the sociological aspect did not come through in your talk but at least I found it in your paper.
Haven’t herd the song in a while, it’s been like 3 years, which reminds me of when I was in my freshman year of high school.
Ugh, kinda sucks, I wish I was able to go back and kinda fix what I did, all the things I did, or well at least make amends, but for what? =[ I regret it totally, just I guess another me an a parallel universe or dimension got the chance to be with his friends longer.
I know I’m able to move on, but I’ll never let go. << What a killer, right? ugh.
I guess, I just have to be glad with what I have now. I had a conversation about this with a friend earlier, and I have done this countless of times, maybe when I did fall that one time, that nurse shouldn’t have been there to save me.
Blaahh.
I was thinking about telling a friend that I’ve actually liked them for quite sometime, but I guess I’m kinda scared, rejection, you know. Plus I think I’m good, but comfort would be cool.
Ha. How funny, I’m gonna be one of those kids who go to college and yet to have a significant other. I’ve also assumed that I’m going to be one of those people who just live alone, distant, away from society.
… it’s a good book, one of my favs, you should read it…
well I had written a response to a question which I am very proud of for some reason, I thought I posted it but in case, I’ll do it again.
Question: If you have wings, does that mean you’re an angel?
My Response : Sadly no. It just means you are one of among the masses that contain a futuristic deformity, who will soon undergo test of unimaginable torture and pain, under speculation, being studied under the microscope of optimistic scientists who will try to discover the gene in which you contain and utilize in others. Being the disposable people we are to the government, they will be creating mutants who will be eradicated unknowingly by the ones who changed them, created them, only for the purpose to create a better soldier for military or high authoritative uses.
Hmm, idk though could be true, but I have no idea. What’s funny is that when after I wrote it, I felt like a conspiracy theorist, funny huh?
I don’t know, but everyone is awkward with me now. I feel misplaced, and I don’t like it at all…
& I kinda get high a lot now, so I guess that might be a reason of I guess somewhat rejection. ugh :/ =[
Well, I think I’m just ready to move on with my life, and mostly everyone I know now will be like I never knew them before. It kinda makes me sad when I think about it… but…
So, having to use the oil pastel bridges I made in art as a metaphor I came up with the a funny conclusion of time, which I found out goes on the back of it… >.< shit I just bull-shitted it, I mean at least I got a good grade on it. :/
Bridges are gateways in our lives. They connect us to the past, present, and the future. Not only do they connect us through time, but they also represent the connection we have with one another be it emotional, spiritual, or even physical. Life is like a bridge as well; having the water pass through, like the events that occur in our lives.
So I think I might be an autistic child, I fit most of the characteristics, other than being young and some others.
Appears indifferent to surroundings
Appears content to be alone, happier to play alone
Displays lack of interest in toys
Displays lack of response to others
Does not point out objects of interest to others (called protodeclarative pointing)
Marked reduction or increase in activity level
may laugh, cry, or show distress for unknown reasons
Do not express interest in other people and often prefer to be alone
Resists cuddling
Avoids cuddling or touching
Frequent behavioral outbursts, tantrums
Inappropriate attachments to objects
Maintains little or no eye contact
Over- or undersensitivity to pain, no fear of danger
Sustained abnormal play
Uneven motor skills
Unresponsiveness to normal teaching methods and verbal clues (may appear to be deaf despite normal hearing)
Maybe, its the root of all my problems. It kinda works, well to a point, I might have developed into being autistic, or beyond it, almost close enough becoming a recluse, which does seem like a likely outcome. So I guess I’m yet to see what’s to come…
I really don’t know. Most of this is bull… but most of it is true aswell… so eh. :/
I’ve noticed that I’ve lost a large amount of friends, but not completely, and I feel like few I have now are kind of distancing themselves from me. Or it just might be me, but I know not to doubt myself, and in all it’s all true, except for the few I can honestly say; and know is corny, but we are and always be friends no matter what, I can say without a doubt.
I hope this to be true, but for the ones that I think are drifting away, I try to pull them back in, but put that space between us that makes me think, there’s no connection which make me feel like I’m just an annoyance that they soon won’t have to worry about for I’ll be leaving. It kind of hurts to think that, but I can only deduct all the possibilities to that answer, especially since those are one that I want to keep. Maybe I’m just going through the phase where I want what I can’t have.
To be truthful, I can only consider about 2 and a max of 4 of my friends ACTUAL friends, based on and how long I’ve known them, and the things we’ve shared, and I know I need more of them, but it’s hard when they feel like they don’t want to be, and I won’t push and push until something happens, but all I have to do is ask a simple question, and it will end with the make or break answer. Just do I dare?
[from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, Act III, Section 1]
Presented version of Hamlet’s Silioquy.
“To be, or not to be – that is the question:
To die, to sleep -
No more – and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache,
To die, to sleep -
To sleep – perchance to dream, ay,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th’ oppressor’s wrong, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th’ unworthy takes,
Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
from whose bourn No travelers returns,
The conscience does make cowards of us all,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action.”
Quick write Response to: What does being alive mean to you? How do you assign value life? What make life challenging? What makes it worth living? How do you think people should value life.
[Developing into essay]
Life is a learning process throughout being alive, we learn good and bad, but to an extent of that it is, depending on the strive to stay and be alive. The value of life is immeasurable, once you die, your individual life is taken away with absolutely no chance of returning, being possibly the most important thing learned. Everything that life has to offer is challenging, or well life exactly is challenging, having to go through obstacles that try and stop you from doing what you want in life, having a greater impact on how your life is viewed. Back to learning and what it is to be alive through the learning experience is acquired, wanting more, doing better and greater things in life, cycling in a way a where only those who choose to not abide by the outline wanting to be waited on hand and foot, doing nothing and having no importance quickly diminishing the value and importance of that single life.
English 12 group project for the Canterbury Tales and our pilgrim was the Pardoner.
Intro:
Wanting to cheer up, the host will ask the pardoner to tell the group a merrier, farcical tale, after the physician’s tale had just been told.
Being shocked at the death of a young roman girls and mourns the face that her beauty ultimately caused the chain of events that left her family to kill her.
the pardoner agrees to continue only after had food and drink in his stomach. After finishing his drink he is ready to begin his tale.
So i really have nothing to say, or well nothing of much importance I guess, I’m really busy these days. I saw a flaming tornado yesterday, it was awesome, reminded me of an attack from Pokemon, something like fire storm, basically the fire version of whirlpool or sand storm I can’t recall the name >_<.
School, school, school, it’s kinda like my life now, at one point in the week I’m going to school 2 days straight with not breaks with the exception of lunch and sleeping time…. :/ which i don’t get much of anyways. Ugh, I was so disappointed earlier this week, my first Government test, I got a 50/100 =((, but I guess it evens out with my speech, 43/50. I’m yet to take my sociology test.
I really do feel like I have only a few friends these days, i rarely get to see any of them anymore… oh well i guess, I mean I have the whole summer to make up for that time, if there is no awkwardness or dramatic change in between.
As a surprising twist, I saw someone the other day, :/, they made me twisted inside. I wanted to break down, and I can still feel it, haven’t told anyone yet, I’m just kinda disappointed on what went on during that time, and I regret it…
Out of all the people I ever get the chance to see now, there’s one, or well two, but the main one, they got something over me, intentional or not, they got me good, bugs the shit out of me, but I seem to like it, coming back for more. ugh… :/
So… yea… I’m like totally blahhh…
One the bright side: no school tomorrow. ^_^. but when there’s something shining, it creates a shadow, and I’m yet to find out whats on that other side yet…. blahhh.
I must have not realized I’m a little crazy. how could I have thought I could handle 6 classes in one semester, 3 of them which being college classes.
So having to drop Occupations w/ Children was quite the decision, but having to take Art I is completely ridiculous on the school systems part, neither high school or any CSU will accept Ceramics/Sculpture nor Stagecraft as a Visual/Performing Art class. Which I think makes no sense that if preceding classes count, why wouldn’t the ones after, and I don’t blames myself for these mistakes neither did I pick or request to be in these classes, never having to take the prerequites ones, also having been told they counted from 3 different counselors in 2 years.
Just thinking about taking the class makes me feel out of place and blow average for either this class is for younger students and the below average students who go for the easy A’s and getting anything lower would just be straight out plain disappointing.
well it should make it easier with a schedule hectic as mine having to take a Internetworking and Senior English class along with College level Speech, American Government, and Computer Concept Classes.
Oh well, I guess I’m getting a sneak peek at college life, I mean I might as wel get used to it now, because its going to be like that for the next four years… :/
there is going to be a definite change. I’m not sure why. Maybe the fact that I’ve been gone for 3 months so much has changed, but it won’t be the fact that I was gone that is going to change anything. Me and my habit have almost been forgotten. A new me is going back. I can’t wait for the return but I wonder am I going to be treated the same? Different, how? Or even worse am I going to be treated as a stranger. Regardless of what is going to happen, I know I’m missed.
break through, truly seeing, and possibly concluding that I am crazy. I had combined my theories of how when we sleep we dream, and when we dream we see and are living life in either an alternate dimension or parallel universe and vice verse, and that in each one we are living life that sprouted from one line, into a tree of a tremendous size, breaking off, and sprouting a new. That was only one of the many I had yesterday, It was kinda weird, but all cool and the same time.
I feel misplaced, and I don’t like it at all…
my speech, 43/50. I’m yet to take my sociology test.
oh well i guess, I mean I have the whole summer to make up for that time, if there is no awkwardness or dramatic change in between.
but having to take Art I is completely ridiculous on the school systems part, neither high school or any CSU will accept Ceramics/Sculpture nor Stagecraft as a Visual/Performing Art class. Which I think makes no sense that if preceding classes count, why wouldn’t the ones after, and I don’t blames myself for these mistakes neither did I pick or request to be in these classes, never having to take the prerequites ones, also having been told they counted from 3 different counselors in 2 years.
: regressedprgrssn
:equivocal.ersatz
